Ultralight Commandments

Ultralight Commandments: "Lose weight while u think.

Remember that gross weight got that name for a reason.

Choose whether to carry weight in your belly or on your back, but get accustomed to the taste first, while you are still at home and can watch TV.

Even a trip of a thousand miles begins with one step. The first is to buy a scale. The second is to use it. The third is learning to fudge.

Practice hiking naked. It is practical. Naked people are also funny.

Do not carry heavy rocks in your pack. Experienced hikers carry only light rocks.

If your pack is so light that you forget it is there, then it is light enough. Expect to lose it in a strong wind. Just before a big storm hits.

Get your base weight down to 15% of your body weight. Then diet.

Poop more.

Make all your gear of camouflage cloth. There is nothing lighter than being invisible.

Try to plan ahead. Try to be efficient. Try to be good. If you can't then learn to yogi while telling entertaining lies.

Learn to hold your breath. Breathing uses energy. Energy requires food. So: breathe less, eat less, carry less.

Humping a heavy pack is a sin, especially if you are caught in the act. This goes double if someone has a camera. And if it is their pack.

Donate your old heavy things to your daughter's boyfriend. Judge the outcome as a chance to hone your observational skills. And as the source for at least one good story.

If you need it, bring it. If not, don't. If wrong, borrow. If you can't borrow, steal. Also, practice sprinting before you start your hike.

Remember, swiftness is for the young, unless you have a light pack. Then, even geezers can run fast.

Avoid parasites unless you are one. If so, be fun. Everyone loves a show, and a little missing blood is a small price to pay for a good time, easily forgiven.

Use dehydrated water whenever possible, despite the expense.

Do not covet anyone else's gear. Instead, steal their ideas, which are much lighter and pack smaller.

Taste everything to see if it is good. Surprises often come in small packages, though some have stingers.

Keep in mind that to some you are crunchy and taste good.

Based on: UL 10 Commandments"


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